But what I hate most are the other actors. Everyone’s yammering away empty-headedly in nervous self-consciousness, trying to be all friendly and nice and root for each other, like, Hey, we’re in this together so let’s have fun and enjoy each other! and I’m like, Leave me alone, don’t talk to me, and just let me read. I’m not here to be your friend. You don’t really care about me and I don’t really care about you and neither one of us really wishes the other any luck, so shut the fuck up and let me get in there, read, and get out of here.
I had an audition after work today for an indy feature with some pay. I read for two parts, one of a clerk in a head shop, and one of a beleaguered father of a lay-about stoner son. The head shop clerk could have been fun but they wanted someone uptight and serious. I thought I read the role of the exasperated father better.
In the end you never know what they’re looking for. It often comes down to appearance; you don’t look enough like the people cast as your kids or your parents, or you’re too short, or the character is supposed to have a full head of hair or be thinner or whatever. You’d think this knowledge would take some of the the sting away from not getting a part, but it doesn’t, there's a voice inside every actor that says you didn't get it because you suck. And the reality is, you don’t get the part most of the time. And there's no way to tell at an audition how you did or what they think. I can only rely on my own sense of accomplishment; did I read as well as I wanted to? Did I sound “authentic” and not stagey? Do they seem to be LOOKING for authentic and not stagey?
For the most part I think I did OK in this one, but who knows? At least the writing looks good judging from the sides I got. The people at the audition seemed OK and I got a good vibe about the production. We'll see. It’d be fun to get into something decent again.
(I'd love to hear from you. Feel free to comment.)
